The Daily Poop

This is an actual quote from a speaker on career day. I realize that most people would be horrified and were I not such a scumbag I probably would too. But finally someone gives some worthwhile advice to the poor little bastards. I remember career day when I went to school. And since I have started working I have yet to become a firefighter, CEO, or president of the country. I realize I have my titles to fall back on but that isn’t the point. If someone had leveled with me when I was younger and told me to practice saying “would you like fries with that?”, perhaps I wouldn’t be so bitter about life now. No one in their right mind would tell a bright eye child that the world needs ditch diggers too. And I feel that the future drug addicted, single mothers of America can use this advice to their advantage. When these girls turn eighteen (or when they convince the guy who owns the titty bar that they are eighteen) I for one will be there to support both their habit and their children. You will see me there in the corner with the creepy look in my eye and the rolled up dollar bill clutched in my sweaty hand.

Love Poops