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Saturday, September 11, 2004
Don't tap on the glass
What is it about walking into a store that makes people stupid? I desperately want to believe that these people don’t go through there entire lives being stupid but I also am smart enough to know that in fact they are that stupid. I can tell by just looking at them while they are trying to remember what foot goes next.
As usual I am at the Hotel California (the store where I work), and I just can’t figure it out. There has got to be a way to help all these poor bastards out. I know it isn’t going to make much difference but if any tips I can give will help even one person…my day might not be as difficult.
First things first…Yes we are smarter than you. Any good salesperson will be smarter than the general public. We also loathe the typical customer that enters our store. This is a dangerous and volatile combination for you the consumer. In other words don’t look us straight in the eye or show teeth…we might attack.
Second, and this is an important one. The back room is not for you. I realize all the signs and ropes blocking it off make it tempting but trust me when I tell you to stay out. You can only get hurt going back there.... it’s where we keep the monsters.
Third and possibly the most important. No we cannot do any better, and yes this is the best price. Should you be so dumb as to poke the monkeys with the stick, I guarantee we will take the stick and shove it right up your pooper. And we will make you thank us for the pain. Many salespeople have become experts at punishing the customer.
So when we say hello to you as you enter the store, say hello back. We really don’t care whether you are just looking around or buying. We are simply trying to be polite. If we offer you a deal that seems great just take it. Do not think that you are going to be the customer who outsmarts us and gets a bigger discount, because unless you are an attractive woman wearing no shirt it is not going to happen. Remember that we are more smarter than you are dummy. And lastly, be nice. Even stupidity can be excused by being cordial. Everybody loved “Forrest Gump”
Well that’s all for now. I have to go wipe my tushy with a customers purchase before they come to pick up.
Love Poops
As usual I am at the Hotel California (the store where I work), and I just can’t figure it out. There has got to be a way to help all these poor bastards out. I know it isn’t going to make much difference but if any tips I can give will help even one person…my day might not be as difficult.
First things first…Yes we are smarter than you. Any good salesperson will be smarter than the general public. We also loathe the typical customer that enters our store. This is a dangerous and volatile combination for you the consumer. In other words don’t look us straight in the eye or show teeth…we might attack.
Second, and this is an important one. The back room is not for you. I realize all the signs and ropes blocking it off make it tempting but trust me when I tell you to stay out. You can only get hurt going back there.... it’s where we keep the monsters.
Third and possibly the most important. No we cannot do any better, and yes this is the best price. Should you be so dumb as to poke the monkeys with the stick, I guarantee we will take the stick and shove it right up your pooper. And we will make you thank us for the pain. Many salespeople have become experts at punishing the customer.
So when we say hello to you as you enter the store, say hello back. We really don’t care whether you are just looking around or buying. We are simply trying to be polite. If we offer you a deal that seems great just take it. Do not think that you are going to be the customer who outsmarts us and gets a bigger discount, because unless you are an attractive woman wearing no shirt it is not going to happen. Remember that we are more smarter than you are dummy. And lastly, be nice. Even stupidity can be excused by being cordial. Everybody loved “Forrest Gump”
Well that’s all for now. I have to go wipe my tushy with a customers purchase before they come to pick up.
Love Poops
Oops
Ok so it's early. Just started to get work and the day is already shot. And it isn't like I am just being my nromal gloomy self. Today can get no better. And why is this you might ask yourself. Well allow me this once to answer a question with a question. At what point does what seem like a harmless little fart change its mind and become something else? That will be all.
Love Poops...a name that is all true
Love Poops...a name that is all true
Friday, September 10, 2004
Ready to take a chance again....
Okay so here I am again. I realize that I should post once a day or even once a month but I believe I have finally mustered enough anger over something that I need to write. Due to the deep depression over my inability to stop the Latvian Menace, and also the fact that I am horribly lazy I will try to get back my somewhat loyal following of nobody.
Now you might ask, "Bubba, what are you so all fired up about"...well here it is. NyQuil. And not even specifically the nyquil but the lack of my emerald maiden that is ticking me off. Here I am trying desperatly to start a hobby and I finally find one suited to myself...Alcoholism. And don't start with that whole it's a disease or addiction crap. There is no such thing as addiction. I simply smoke and do all the blow because I like it. But I digress. While on the hunt through various websites, I have found that there is not one drink that uses nyquil as an ingredient. WHY??? I found millions of recipes for making nyquil, but thats a pale imitation of greatness....Sort of like Mike Tyson as of late. And it's ok my minions, I am so far off the radar ole mikey won't ever find me. California is a really big state so I am safe. But why, in a world where you can just go and pick up a Vanilla Ice CD, can I find not a drink with nyquil.
I will keep trying but I suppose this could be an important entry also...When they asked what happened. "Everything was fine until he added the Nyquil"
Love Poops
Now you might ask, "Bubba, what are you so all fired up about"...well here it is. NyQuil. And not even specifically the nyquil but the lack of my emerald maiden that is ticking me off. Here I am trying desperatly to start a hobby and I finally find one suited to myself...Alcoholism. And don't start with that whole it's a disease or addiction crap. There is no such thing as addiction. I simply smoke and do all the blow because I like it. But I digress. While on the hunt through various websites, I have found that there is not one drink that uses nyquil as an ingredient. WHY??? I found millions of recipes for making nyquil, but thats a pale imitation of greatness....Sort of like Mike Tyson as of late. And it's ok my minions, I am so far off the radar ole mikey won't ever find me. California is a really big state so I am safe. But why, in a world where you can just go and pick up a Vanilla Ice CD, can I find not a drink with nyquil.
I will keep trying but I suppose this could be an important entry also...When they asked what happened. "Everything was fine until he added the Nyquil"
Love Poops
