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Of course it's a Baby Ruth....Trust me.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Yick!
Okay so I realize now that I have a problem. Actually I have more problems than I could ever hope to count, but I mean a specific problem. I am not sure how to solve the problem but at least I know the cause. That would be the Hotel California, also known as the mall in which I work.
Now as much as I hate to admit it…I see naked people. I think I have become so bored that as a distraction I have started to picture customers naked. The problem with this is that they aren’t the customers one would want to imagine naked. Nope it’s the Mennonites. And not even the young ones…I’m talking the ninety-year-old women with the mustaches. No wonder I can’t sleep anymore at night…
More on this later,
Love Poops
Now as much as I hate to admit it…I see naked people. I think I have become so bored that as a distraction I have started to picture customers naked. The problem with this is that they aren’t the customers one would want to imagine naked. Nope it’s the Mennonites. And not even the young ones…I’m talking the ninety-year-old women with the mustaches. No wonder I can’t sleep anymore at night…
Love Poops
Friday, July 02, 2004
I'm back!
After too long away I am back. The Latvians almost got me though…they made it look like pneumonia, but I know the truth. Regardless of the reason though, I needed to take some time off to get better. I need my health to fight the Latvian Menace.
Now you might be asking yourself what I was doing with myself or more to the point, to myself, but I will have to tell you the sad truth. Not one kitten was killed during my time off…not a dolphin flogged. No chicken choked. You get the point. I realized just how sad my life has become when I decided to do nothing but play my new videogame. A sad, nerdy, role-playing game. I really wish I could say I did more but nope…video games. I sat for hours at a time, moving only to go to the bathroom, or to jam more goldfish into my mouth. Perhaps this isn’t really me though…maybe it’s all part of the conspiracy to get me out of the way. Nah, I’m just lazy and shiftless. But in my time off I have discovered that heaven does exist…. and should I be so blessed, someday I will get to experience it myself. Heaven is lying naked on a leather couch, with the air conditioning set to 60 degrees, wearing one of those helmets that hold the two cans of your favorite beverage, and an ammo belt filled not with bullets but tubes of chocolate chip cookie dough. Well I am off to plan how to get my friends out of their house for a night, as they have air and a leather sofa.
As always,
Love Poops
Now you might be asking yourself what I was doing with myself or more to the point, to myself, but I will have to tell you the sad truth. Not one kitten was killed during my time off…not a dolphin flogged. No chicken choked. You get the point. I realized just how sad my life has become when I decided to do nothing but play my new videogame. A sad, nerdy, role-playing game. I really wish I could say I did more but nope…video games. I sat for hours at a time, moving only to go to the bathroom, or to jam more goldfish into my mouth. Perhaps this isn’t really me though…maybe it’s all part of the conspiracy to get me out of the way. Nah, I’m just lazy and shiftless. But in my time off I have discovered that heaven does exist…. and should I be so blessed, someday I will get to experience it myself. Heaven is lying naked on a leather couch, with the air conditioning set to 60 degrees, wearing one of those helmets that hold the two cans of your favorite beverage, and an ammo belt filled not with bullets but tubes of chocolate chip cookie dough. Well I am off to plan how to get my friends out of their house for a night, as they have air and a leather sofa.
As always,
Love Poops
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Yes it's a sad thing...but I never cared for kittens. 
