The Daily Poop

Well I couldn’t stay away. After having been flooded with fan letters (most of which contained frilly undergarments), I have decided to post once again. I realize that I am at risk due to the growing Latvian threat but I, The Mighty Poops, have risked life and limb in the pursuit of truth, justice, and amateur porn! Okay well I got bored and thought I would write again, but I do so love a good nudie website! I think that is time to let you in on another one of my little secrets, so gather round boys and girls.

I believe that in times of great need and/or crisis, we all have within ourselves the ability to unlock the unused parts of our brains. By doing this we can give ourselves a little push towards making the world a better place …we can even become a Superhero!
Now I know you are saying, ”Billy Joe, you are a dang fool with your comic book stories”, but it is the truth. I know this because I have been given the power. I have been given…The Wiggle (this is where the dramatic music is suppose to be going off in your head).

It was a dark and stormy night. The kind of night where you can feel a bit of magic. Okay well maybe not magic…maybe it was the all you could eat chicken gizzards at the Golden Corral restaurant. But whatever it was, as the wife and I were approaching our home, I realized I felt a powerful force working within me. And I knew that I would not be able to get to the bathroom in time to save myself the embarrassment of soiling yet another pair of my beloved irregular dungarees. With a heavy heart and a quivering colon I rushed from the car as we pulled up to the house and scrambled to the door. I ran to the bathroom knowing that there was a chance I could make it but I realized that I would never be able to fumble my belt off in time. With but a second left to spare I gave an unconscious shudder and to my shock and delight the pants were off, as if the hand of The Almighty decided to take pity on me. Not having had time to fasten the seat belt I held on for dear life, knowing that should my hands slip I would be propelled through the ceiling to my doom. As a side note, the Golden Corral has thankfully closed. It would seem to be a matter of common sense but I could never resist the lure of a 3.95 all you could eat “fillet minyan” night (no it is not a misspelling…it’s what the sign allegedly said.).

Once I was done, I began to realize I had been given a gift… The Wiggle. I was once again happy as a schoolgirl, as time after time I let my pants fall. I am not sure of the entire process but I have somehow been granted the power to cause my hips to get mystically smaller with an almost imperceptible shake of the lower half of my body. Whatever it is, it is truly a wonder. No more do I have to suffer when I enter the house on a hot day. Where once I would have to struggle with sweaty denim now as quickly as I can close the door, the pants almost melt off. No more do I have to try to look seductive while taking off a pair of pants before naked time. I am now a power unto myself, for I am the master of…The Wiggle (cue music and maniacal laughter).

Well that’s all for now friends, but remember…get it in the pooper at least once a day.

With all the love I can muster before a hard day of work,
Poops

"buses, vans, street and railroad cars, synthetic fibers, agricultural machinery, fertilizers, washing machines, radios, electronics, pharmaceuticals, processed foods, textiles" ---From the CIA's World Fact Book

These are the listings for Latvias main industries, but what is missing you may ask? MILK! That's right, milk. That's the key to this whole thing with Latvia. They want the worlds milk. They won't tell you this of course but that's because they are devious milksuckers.

I decided that I along with most other people in the world am prejudiced. But I also decided to turn the prejudice against the smallest country I could find that peo;ple would still know. For one, this will keep me out of trouble with my fellow countrymen ( plus I realize that I am outnumbered and cowardly). The problem with my little plan, is that i discovered what truly dastardly fiends these dirtly Latvians are. I am also putting myself at great risk by writing this, but I love my adoring public so I thought I should make you aware of this problem.

I realize you are asking yourselves why the milk, but thats the truly evil part. Everyone is afraid of terrorist plots but nobody realizes how awful it would be to pour a bowl of fruity pebbles into a giant mixing bowl, grab a serving spoon, but then discover that there isn't a drop of milk to be had...OH NO! I think they might be bugging this line...I will return later
Beware the milksuckers
Love Poops

Well it's finally happened...I knew it would all along but the damn latvians are at it again. I know they are trying to make it seem like an innocent community service but I know the truth!
www.lvnc.org...It's all there for you to see.

More on this story as it develops...

As always love Poops.

Okay I'm back. Well let's be honest, I'm not entirely sure who I am talking to, but eventually the two people who are bored enough to waste their time reaing this will be very happy to hear that I am back. The wife and I just come in from a good dinner. I take the obligatory poop ( god that word cracks me up!), and then after I finish up, I get nekkid. It is quite warm after all. But as I was wearing baggy shorts, I could do my little wiggle and off come the clothes. I will explain the wiggle at a future date. Anyways back to the main story. So I get nekkid but see no real point in straining myself, so here I sit. In all my glory...and a pair of new balance sneakers. If you, my reading audience knew just how funny looking and not quite skinny I was you would find this pretty troubling. And for the few of you who do know me...good luck getting to sleep tonight.

To be truthful I love to be naked...hate clothes. Well I do have an affinity for pirate shirts and pretty much anything out of the International Male catalog, but seeing as how I an neither gay nor pretty my wife refuses to let me get either. She apparently isn't all that keen on the idea of me in a kilt either. The trouble with the whole naked thing is everybody else. I actaully think it isn't that I shouldn't be able to be naked whenever I want...I truly believe it is all a devious plot to keep me from one itoa of true happiness ( naked time) being perpetrated against me by those damn Latvians! But much like the wiggle that will have to wiat for a future time. Well I suppose that's all for now. I am off to play Xbox...Naked....with just a pair of sneakers on.

Yours truly,
Poops

Pinching one out shortly...