The Daily Poop

After too long away I am back. The Latvians almost got me though…they made it look like pneumonia, but I know the truth. Regardless of the reason though, I needed to take some time off to get better. I need my health to fight the Latvian Menace.

Now you might be asking yourself what I was doing with myself or more to the point, to myself, but I will have to tell you the sad truth. Not one kitten was killed during my time off…not a dolphin flogged. No chicken choked. You get the point. I realized just how sad my life has become when I decided to do nothing but play my new videogame. A sad, nerdy, role-playing game. I really wish I could say I did more but nope…video games. I sat for hours at a time, moving only to go to the bathroom, or to jam more goldfish into my mouth. Perhaps this isn’t really me though…maybe it’s all part of the conspiracy to get me out of the way. Nah, I’m just lazy and shiftless. But in my time off I have discovered that heaven does exist…. and should I be so blessed, someday I will get to experience it myself. Heaven is lying naked on a leather couch, with the air conditioning set to 60 degrees, wearing one of those helmets that hold the two cans of your favorite beverage, and an ammo belt filled not with bullets but tubes of chocolate chip cookie dough. Well I am off to plan how to get my friends out of their house for a night, as they have air and a leather sofa.

As always,
Love Poops