The Daily Poop

The Latvian Menace rears its ugly head again.

“Online banking victim files suit; $90,000 lifted from account traced to Latvia”

I hate being right all the time.

Love Poops

Just got done watching "A league of their own", and I feel so proud of those plucky broads. There is nothing better than an uplifting movie like this one. Something that makes woman feel empowered. Woman should feel good about themselves, and not take any guff from men. Maybe later I will watch "The First Wives Club". But for now I am heading out to the titty bar to get me some, and god help the wife if she doesn't have dinner on the table when I get home.

Love Poops

All this bad weather has gots me down, so instead of an true entry I have more of a question.
Why can't life be more like a Chuck Mangione song...All good feelings and flugelhorns?

melancholically yours,

Poops

Ahhhh, the forgotten joy of Mad Libs.

"To be, or not to boot, -- that is the boob;Whether 'tis nobler in the spork to sufferThe slings and cubits of homely fortune,Or to take geeks against a sea of nerds,And by duking end them. To die, -- to run, -- No more; and by a run to say we end The turd and the 1287 natural shocks That flesh is senator to,-- 'tis a poop comely to be wish'd. To die, --- to run,-- To run! perchance to fart! ay, there's the runt; For in that run of death what goats may come When we have ran off this smelly coil, Must give us toe...."

Love,
Poops the bard.

The only thing worse than the Latvian Menace...Telemarketers. But As usual I have solved the problem. Apparently When you tell them that the only way you will give them money is if they talk dirty to you because you are frantically masturbating, and you wouldn't have even answered the phone except that you already had the cord wrapped around your neck, they hang right up. Who woulda thunk it? Now I realize that the Franciscan Brothers need all the money they can get their hands on but come on...Timing man. Thank god for auto erotic asphixiation...

Love Poops

Thank god for days off! I have been lucky enough to spend the last two days doing almost nothing. Well other than drinking martinis, and making mix cds. Im actually still in the process of doing both. Well three things if you count the sitting here naked except for one black sock. And I suppose I can only call them martinis in that I let the giant martini glass of vokda look at a jar of olives. There's just something about drinking naked, listening to Hootie and the Blowfish Sing "goodbye girl" thank brings a smile to my face.

And I have discovered the show Coupling. Possibly my new favorite show to watch...naked. I actually laughed so hard at one point that brownie pieces shot out of my nose. And while this is not a pleasant feeling, I have found one good thing out. Now I can fart all I want and all I smell is brownies. Well I am sure thats enough disturbing imagery for you, my loyal sublects. And in the words of the immortal Greaseman...It's Martini Time

I am not to sure of politics in general...other than the Latvian Menace. And don't let the smiling broads fool you. But as I was saying I generally stay out of politics. But perhaps Websites like Senator Crapo's are costing us all a little too much money. And anyhows, no matter how much you explain how to say the name we are still going to call you craphead.

That is all.

Finally after months and months of heartache, something good happens...Courtney
Love regains custody of Frances Bean. As I read that story I actually shed tears of joy. I realize that my loyal subjects think I may be a cruel man, and I refuse to even acknowledge the thought. I can't express in words how happy I am that yet another celebrity child is on the slippery slope to porn. Oh the joys of celebrity downfall.

At first I thought that I would have no one to look forward to after Ashley Olsen (or is it Mary Kate). I watched as she dropped weight quicker than Michael Jackson going through dollar bills at a Boy scout meeting. And I hoped that one day she too would become another Dana Plato. Different Strokes: The Story of Jack & Jill...And Jill , the next generation. But where to turn after that? Well I can rest easy because there is now Frances "my moms a crackho" Bean. Guess that will teach Courtney to mess with Dave Grohl. Looks like god punished her.

Love Poops

This is an actual quote from a speaker on career day. I realize that most people would be horrified and were I not such a scumbag I probably would too. But finally someone gives some worthwhile advice to the poor little bastards. I remember career day when I went to school. And since I have started working I have yet to become a firefighter, CEO, or president of the country. I realize I have my titles to fall back on but that isn’t the point. If someone had leveled with me when I was younger and told me to practice saying “would you like fries with that?”, perhaps I wouldn’t be so bitter about life now. No one in their right mind would tell a bright eye child that the world needs ditch diggers too. And I feel that the future drug addicted, single mothers of America can use this advice to their advantage. When these girls turn eighteen (or when they convince the guy who owns the titty bar that they are eighteen) I for one will be there to support both their habit and their children. You will see me there in the corner with the creepy look in my eye and the rolled up dollar bill clutched in my sweaty hand.

Love Poops